It's always the waiting that kills people. Waiting for my license to get processed seem to take forever. It's been four months that I have not worked, since the move and transition in April, the Europe vacation in May, the move to US in June and now I am just itching to get moving. Some of my friends envies our position. But it feels like being retired without a pension plan. Now, we have an idea of how it is if there was no retirement fund to sustain a retiree. Retirement is just no fun at all. We watch our expenses closely and make sure we stay within our budget so it can still sustain us for 2-3 months if it gets to that. But am definitely feeling restless.
The past few weeks, I have been reading the part of the Old Testament where the Israelites spent 40 days in the desert. It has been more than 40 days for us since our exodus. But contrary to the Israelites experience of regret and endless complaining, we are not feeling any of those emotions. We are still in the spirit of gratitude because so far, we have been adequately provided and there have been numerous blessings that was brought to us. I guess, during the 40 days in the desert, it is patience that the Lord develops in each of us. With patience, trust and faith are nurtured because we are called to wait and be silent. In this world of constant pace, of busy schedules, being thrown into this spirit of waiting is a big challenge. I think the reason why the Lord instructed Moses to write down His commandments, His laws and all the wondrous deeds He has done for the Israelites is primarily to make the people remember.
So for me, it has become important to write down His blessings and His wondrous deeds as well. Because it will definitely make me remember especially when the heat of the desert begins to scorch, when the sand just seem to go nowhere and there is just an endless road which leads to a hazy horizon. It is important to remain in a spirit of gratitude because I have learned in the past that those are the doors where blessings seep through. So now, I start to count my blessings. I thank God for giving our family this chance to be together, without our busy schedules; I thank God for the beautiful sunrise and sunset that I witness everyday; I thank God for my daughters who are happily singing and playing together; I thank God for the parish priest who has been very kind in deferring the payment of the tuition fees of my daughter while we wait for our employment; I thank God for the thoughtfulness of the same parish priest who came up to us in church just to ask how we were doing; I thank God for the very generous admissions officer who volunteered to give the uniforms of her daughter to my 9-year-old daughter because she will be moving to a higher level with a different set of uniforms; I thank God for the opportunities where my husband is able to exercise his talent in photography and share his knowledge with friends; I thank God for the generosity of my sister-in-law and her husband; I thank God for the chance to visit family and friends who live out of town; I thank God for keeping our dreams alive; I thank God for the hope that is in us; I thank God for the grace to say thank you.
Yes, perhaps it is time to move on. I need to look back at my mission statement, my goals and the steps I have laid out for myself and the dreams that I share with my husband for our family. I guess I have gone fixated with the thought that I needed to start work soon and such a fixation is slowly eating up on me. Indeed the exercise of counting my blessings and bringing out that spirit of gratitude also revealed the darkness that is slowly enveloping. Now it is clearer than ever that the spirit of gratitude is our best weapon to combat negativities and to endure the desert. Then this way, we will not end up like the Israelites who preferred to go back to being slaves in Egypt and never stopped complaining to God, forgetting all that He has done and thereby missing out on the blessings that He has prepared for them.
The past few weeks, I have been reading the part of the Old Testament where the Israelites spent 40 days in the desert. It has been more than 40 days for us since our exodus. But contrary to the Israelites experience of regret and endless complaining, we are not feeling any of those emotions. We are still in the spirit of gratitude because so far, we have been adequately provided and there have been numerous blessings that was brought to us. I guess, during the 40 days in the desert, it is patience that the Lord develops in each of us. With patience, trust and faith are nurtured because we are called to wait and be silent. In this world of constant pace, of busy schedules, being thrown into this spirit of waiting is a big challenge. I think the reason why the Lord instructed Moses to write down His commandments, His laws and all the wondrous deeds He has done for the Israelites is primarily to make the people remember.
So for me, it has become important to write down His blessings and His wondrous deeds as well. Because it will definitely make me remember especially when the heat of the desert begins to scorch, when the sand just seem to go nowhere and there is just an endless road which leads to a hazy horizon. It is important to remain in a spirit of gratitude because I have learned in the past that those are the doors where blessings seep through. So now, I start to count my blessings. I thank God for giving our family this chance to be together, without our busy schedules; I thank God for the beautiful sunrise and sunset that I witness everyday; I thank God for my daughters who are happily singing and playing together; I thank God for the parish priest who has been very kind in deferring the payment of the tuition fees of my daughter while we wait for our employment; I thank God for the thoughtfulness of the same parish priest who came up to us in church just to ask how we were doing; I thank God for the very generous admissions officer who volunteered to give the uniforms of her daughter to my 9-year-old daughter because she will be moving to a higher level with a different set of uniforms; I thank God for the opportunities where my husband is able to exercise his talent in photography and share his knowledge with friends; I thank God for the generosity of my sister-in-law and her husband; I thank God for the chance to visit family and friends who live out of town; I thank God for keeping our dreams alive; I thank God for the hope that is in us; I thank God for the grace to say thank you.
Yes, perhaps it is time to move on. I need to look back at my mission statement, my goals and the steps I have laid out for myself and the dreams that I share with my husband for our family. I guess I have gone fixated with the thought that I needed to start work soon and such a fixation is slowly eating up on me. Indeed the exercise of counting my blessings and bringing out that spirit of gratitude also revealed the darkness that is slowly enveloping. Now it is clearer than ever that the spirit of gratitude is our best weapon to combat negativities and to endure the desert. Then this way, we will not end up like the Israelites who preferred to go back to being slaves in Egypt and never stopped complaining to God, forgetting all that He has done and thereby missing out on the blessings that He has prepared for them.
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