Financial Wisdom

I always feel blessed when something major happens to us on a date which commemorates a religious event on the Church calendar. Back in 2005, when we decided to move to a place of our own in the Philippines, the date fell on Pentecost Sunday. Now, when we moved to our apartment here in the US, it was August 15, the Assumption of Mama Mary. Then last week, my much-awaited job started on September 8, the Birthday of Mama Mary. I don't believe in coincidence. For me, these are signs of heavenly blessings.

But one would think, how can I feel blessed when it took so long for me to process my license and get the job. We arrived here last June 14 and I only got my Ohio nursing license on September 1. It was a long wait. But I know things happen for a reason. And usually, only time would reveal where wisdom lies. You only realize the whys when you begin to look back and see how the puzzles fitted to create a perfect picture.

I saw how that waiting period was necessary so that my husband and I could do the research for schools for the kids, for a place for us to stay, have time to adjust to a life without maids, relax as a family, and even sit for our driver's license exam. I knew when I started to feel the routine while I cleaned our place, that the job was coming. And at exactly the first day of September, as I expected it to come, I got my license number. Things started to happen fast where my employment was concerned. And before I knew it, I was already sitting in a small classroom with three other new hires undergoing the orientation for dialysis nursing.

But looking back, I had my doubts as well regarding my employment. There were times when I would get news that there was no opening here in this city and I may have to consider relocating. And there were even options being suggested to me that I should look up other employers so that I can undergo the training while waiting for my license. And in these times, I had to rely heavily on listening to where the Spirit is leading me. As always, it was easy to know. Because I was given the grace to wait. I think that is one peculiar thing about discerning God's will. If you really wanted to do His will, you are given the grace to do it. The waiting period could have easily made me impatient and I could have insisted on looking for somewhere else to work but that did not happen. I just knew deep inside that I had to wait and that things will happen at the right time. That is what I call Grace.

That word "Grace" is not commonly understood by people. I just got to appreciate that word when I stayed some time with the discalced Carmelites in the monastery. There I learned that Grace is something that is freely given from above. It makes you act in a manner which is beyond what your human nature would have made you do. When you are able to keep yourself from making a biting remark when normally you would do it automatically, that is Grace. When you hold yourself, when normally your strong personality would have insisted for your rights and something good comes out of that action, that is Grace. When you admit your mistakes when you usually do not, that is Grace. And acknowledging the Grace of God is the key to humility because you know that you are only capable of doing good because the Spirit is at work in you. And I believe that the only reason why I had so much patience waiting for my license and just accepting things as they are, not fretting about our finances or the lack thereof, is pure Grace.

And while we were living under God's provisions we came to appreciate how He made us financially literate to prepare us for this season of our lives. We learned that we needed to have 3-6 months' worth of living expenses as emergency fund. They say that for employees it is 3 months worth of living expenses and for self-employed it has to be 6 months' worth. Even though we never thought that we would ever find ourselves being "unemployed" we followed this financial advice. And that emergency fund saved us during these last four months of unemployment. And I came to appreciate how God instructed Joseph to advice the pharaoh of Egypt to save 1/5 of the produce during the rich harvests so they could have something for the years of famine. That is just what we did... saved 20% of our income and paid ourselves first.

Seeing how this saved us, we intend to continue doing that same practice of paying ourselves first because obviously the Bible did not mention that story for no reason at all. It was meant to teach us financial wisdom. So when Jesus said we should not worry about what to eat or drink because God our Father would provide us with these things, He meant to let go of the attitude of anxiety and not to embrace the attitude of reckless spending.

When God Says "No"

When we left the Philippines, we were already on the verge of buying a house. We've been scouting for properties just before we got our visa appointment interview with the US embassy. So when we arrived in the US last June, my sister-in-law immediately gave a name of a real estate broker to assist us in finding a property here in the US.

Initially, I felt ill at ease since it felt too premature to be purchasing a house immediately especially since we really do not have any credit score to back us up if in case we apply for a mortgage. Nevertheless, I went with the exercise of looking around for properties. But God has His way of using some unusual situations to achieve an entirely different need. With the broker's help, we were able to find a good school for the children because I got hold of documents from him which assisted me with my research in looking for a good school. Further discernment made us decide to choose the Catholic schools over the public schools for the kids.

With the school district out of the deciding factors, we had more options in terms of properties to choose from. There were so many properties on sale and at a very good price at that. Compared to the properties in the Philippines, these properties were really selling at huge discounts. And the interest rates that are prevailing in the market is just as attractive. Another attraction was the incentive of $8,000 for first-time home buyers. Everything seem to be encouraging us to make the move towards purchasing a house rather than renting. So for the next couple of weeks, our broker accompanied us to several properties. Finally after a month or so, we've narrowed down our choice to one particular house. It had most of the things we wanted for a house. And the biggest factor which made it so attractive is that it is located within the community of my sister-in-law's. But when we looked into the mortgage broker's requirements, we knew that we will not qualify for credit.

The thing about being a new immigrant is that nobody trusts you for a credit. They will dig down for credit scores and find nothing in your history and you immediately get rejected for loans or mortgages. What most of our friends did in order to purchase a car is to have someone co-sign with them. But not all creditors would accept this as well. That was why we purchased our car in cash. But this is just not realistic when it comes to purchasing a house.

A friend then suggested that we go for lease to purchase agreement. That sounded like a rent-to-own contract but when I researched further about this agreement, it revealed an entirely different scenario. Excited about this possibility, we informed our broker that we wanted to lease-to-purchase the said property. He was quite perplexed at first, not having done such an agreement before in his 25 years of being a broker. He got us a guy from his office who knew about the stuff and this enabled us to draft an offer to the sellers of the house. After 24 hours, we got our answer. They were not interested in the agreement. This was quite perplexing at first because the house was also offered for lease through a leasing company or for sale through a realtor. Why then were they not open for lease-to-purchase?

We accepted the decision as God's voice telling us "No." So we started looking for apartments in the next week that followed. However, our hearts were still attached to the house. We would always pass by it and claim ownership of the place. Then that weekend, my husband and I just decided to go and rent the place instead, as how the sellers were offering it. The rent was quite steep, at $1800 but for a 4-bedroom house and a huge front and backyard, this seem just reasonable. So we contacted our broker again and told him that we will go for the lease option as offered. Before we finally gave him the go signal, we passed by the house again and saw that the sign of the leasing company was gone and what remained was the sign of the realtor with both lease/sale on it. So we thought, perhaps by some mysterious designs, the sellers are now willing to lease-to-purchase the house. So our broker once again contacted the buyer's broker for a renegotiation. This time, the owners wanted to meet us. This was extremely unusual. Here in the US, it is very rare that the buyer gets to meet the seller face to face when the property involves a realtor. It's usually the brokers who talk and negotiate. So even our broker was quite surprised by this new development. By this time, we were already very good friends with our broker and have established a trusting relationship with him and his wife. So he was also quite excited for us for this sudden turn-around. At this point, I was thinking, that God may just have been putting us to the test. And now, He is orchestrating things to happen so we may get the house of our dreams.

When we finally met up with the buyers, who were also Asians, we were in for a big surprise. Instead of talking about a lease-to-purchase agreement, we were offered instead an owner's financing. They said, since our problem was just the lack of credit history which made us ineligible for a mortgage, they were willing to give us the mortgage instead. When we asked how much downpayment were they asking and at what interest rate, we were shocked to hear that they wanted almost 30% downpayment which was $60,000. We immediately shook our head. If we were to mortgage from a bank, we will only opt for 5-10% downpayment. It is foolish to tie so much cash to a piece of property. My sister-in-law wanted to walk out of the house and got so turned off by the couple. At this point, we were also feeling uncomfortable haggling about the price as they aggressively pushed us to the wall regarding our offer. The brokers then agreed to renegotiate between themselves about the price sensing the tension in the air.

Now, I know why buyers should never meet the sellers. That meeting totally got the house out of our system. The sellers' attitude was such a turn-off, their arrogance so big that they think their house was the only property available and we were so desperate to have it. This was a joke of course since there was no block around the city which bore no "for sale" sign. The market was a buyer's market and the couple looked as though they were living in dream land thinking they can have their cake and eat it too. We graciously walked away.

With that decision, our energy was then focused to finding an apartment to rent. In just two days, we found the place we could call home. And by some mysterious design, though a credit check was required, it was waived. There were other criteria which the property manager decided to forego in favor of us. We were generously given a health worker's discount of 5%, one month free rental for a 13-month lease ($815/month), and even given the go signal to move on the 15th of August though the lease would still be effective on September 1, which means another 14-days of free rent. Obviously, the Hand of God was at work here.... glaringly and without doubt. The speed with which we found the right place, made the decision, moved and got the furniture that we needed was just astounding. Before the school started, we have already moved into the apartment and furnished it. The kids were very excited with their princess bedsheet sets and comforters that they no longer fret about sleeping in a separate room. A couple of trips to Ikea, our favorite store, was just what we needed in order to get the best price for furniture that we really liked.

Services and utilities were just a few phone calls away. Maintenance was also very efficient. The valance of the blinds were promptly replaced, filters of blower was ordered without question, dishwasher was immediately checked, etc. Now, we are just so grateful that we opted to rent first rather than buy that property. Because when we saw the total expense of moving, we realized that all our savings would have gone to the downpayment of the house and we would have been left sleeping on the carpet without furnishings. Of course, God who is our Father would not want His beloved children to be sleeping on the carpet. He wanted a beautiful queen-sized bed with a headboard and pull-out drawers for us. He wanted the girls to be snuggling comfortably in their princess bedsheets. He wanted a comfortable sofa in our living room. He wanted a safe and beautiful community where we only needed to call and help would be at hand. I still got my wonderful kitchen which was very compact with lots of storage and a pantry.

As I was musing over what have transpired these past few weeks, I just realized why things had to happen that way. Initially, I was asking God why He needed to give us false hope about our ex-dream house. Then I got my answer. It was because He wanted to explain to us why He did not want us to rent that house. Aside from the steep price of $1800 that we had to pay for rent, we will be stuck with those kinds of landlords... the kind who are capable of pressing money out of you. He just made a way for us to meet the landlords so we could see for ourselves what we may be dealing with. The apartment search also opened our eyes to other factors that we failed to consider when we thought of renting that huge house.... the cost of heating that place during the winter. With our one-storey apartment sandwiched in the second floor, we could save a lot of energy for heating.

Now, looking at our new home, we can only sigh and thank God for everything. Indeed, when God says "No"... He has something better in mind. We just have to continue to listen, be very sensitive to His subtle moves and keep an open mind and heart for the Spirit's enlightenment. Though He does not really need to explain His ways, His gentle Fatherly love makes Him reveal His wisdom to a heart who listens with trust and complete abandonment.

How We Passed the Road Test for Driver's License on our First Take

Here in Ohio, in order to obtain a driver's license, you need to pass two examinations: the knowledge test and the driving test. Passing the knowledge test for me and my husband was a breeze. All the information was written on the booklet that the BMV gave out. I read it twice and memorized the important points. Alvin actually got a perfect score. I got one mistake, too bad, hahaha. Then we made a schedule for the driving test. The earliest date that we could get was after one month. That, for me, was ample time to be confident on the road. Driving within Cincinnati and doing 2 hours going to Pennsylvania and another 4 hours from Maryland to West Virginia gave me that needed boost in morale. We also interviewed and obtained tips from friends who took the exams.

Anyway, the road test consisted of two parts as well: the road test and the maneuverability test. I did well with the road test, having gotten used to driving in small roads, main roads and freeways. What almost killed me was the maneuverability test because the Mitsubishi Endeavor was so wide that I kept on hitting the left poles. On my third try, my husband was already calling home and asking my little angels to pray with their aunt that I will succeed, otherwise, I will flunk the test. I was also bombarding heaven with my own prayers as the inspector alighted the Endeavor and checked the poles to see if I knocked down the marker or caused the marker to be bumped off the painted red square (which will give me an outright failure score of 26). Anyway, just for an overview, there is a Road Test Scoring Sheet that the inspector carries with her. There are equivalent points that they deduct for every error you make in both the Road Test and the Maneuverability Test.

So for the Road Test, the greatest deduction is 15 points which they give for following errors: Failure to yield to pedestrian and failure to yield to other traffic. The rule is that when you see a pedestrian step down on the road, even if you can still pass by, you must stop and allow the pedestrian to cross. Yielding to other traffic requires knowledge of right of way especially in intersections with 4-point Stop Signs. Other point deductions are as follows, 10 points if you follow too closely or if you violate speed limit. My husband got a deduction on the speed limit thing because when he crossed an intersection the speed limit suddenly changed from 35 to 25 mph. He just slowed down but only managed to reach 32 mph. I guess he was driving at speeds between 35-40 mph (a 5 mph over the speed limit which is still allowable). When it was my turn, I made sure I stepped a little on the brake to bring down the speedometer between 25-30 mph. That was a blessing because I got no deductions for the road test, which gave me enough leeway to make two mistakes in the maneuverability test as I will explain later. Anyway, other minor errors which will cause you 5 point deductions are: failure to properly check traffic before pulling into traffic, straddling lanes or driving in center of road, changing lanes without properly checking traffic to rear, making unnecessary stops on roadway, improper steering (erratic, weaving), improper braking (too early/late, jerky), driving too fast/slow for conditions, failing to stop in position to see in all directions, failing to look in all directions, improper observance of stop sign/traffic light.

Just a note on STOP signs especially for fellow Filipino immigrants who are not used to this STOP sign. The inspector really wants you to make a complete stop just before the sign before you proceed. However, stopping too long will also cause points to be deducted on you. So some would suggest saying S-T-O-P for the right interval before moving. What I do is to step on the brakes, look at the right then at the left, then proceed if clear. As for the traffic lights, there are "opportunity right turns" whereby you can turn right on red signal if there is no sign indicating that you can only turn right on green. Opportunity left turns on the other hand means that there is no left green arrow for you but only green sign. So you need to allow approaching cars going through the intersection first and can only make a left when the intersection is clear of approaching cars. This can be quite tricky especially if the traffic light changes too soon and there is a long line of cars coming from the opposite direction.

Additional errors that will cause you 5 point deductions are failure to signal change of lanes, failure to signal turns/stops, improper signals (wrong, too soon/late), improper approach to turn, improper speed (too fast/slow), driving into improper lane, turning too wide/short, or improper vehicle position to turn. Again all the information on the proper way to do all these are written in the BMV manual. So if you are the obsessive-compulsive type who really sticks to the rules, you will pass the test with flying colors.

Minor errors that will cause 2 point deductions on the road test are failure to use windshield wipers and/or defrosters (so do not take the test during winter or on a rainy day so you do not have to worry about this), spending too much time starting engine, selecting wrong gear, staying in the same gear too long (yes, you guessed it right... you will make less mistakes with an automatic), not releasing emergency brakes, not starting/stopping smoothly or stalling vehicle, or hesitating too long for conditions.

Now for the maneuverability test, this is how they will deduct points from you: 2 points if you stop to check progress, 5 points if you do not stop in parallel with the course or misjudging stopping points, 10 points if you strike a marker (which I did twice!) and 26 points (a failure because you should only have 25 maximum points for deductions) for the following dangerous actions: knocking down the marker (which I thought I did!), bumping a marker off the printed square (again, I thought I also committed this... apparently almost, but not quite), traffic crash or any dangerous action. They give immediate failure if you get involved in a traffic crash, you perform one of the above dangerous actions, make serious violation (red light, stop sign, yield to traffic and others), refuse to follow instructions or unable to follow instructions.

Well, to end the story, when I made my third try of backing up to the course markers, I finally did it. Praise God! Having passed the test after one take is such sweet glory and I am taking efforts to share the content of the Road Test Scoring Sheet in a very detailed fashion so that others will not have to take it twice, thrice or even enroll in a driving school just to pass the driving test. One very helpful tip that was shared to us is that when you back up the car, make sure both your hands stay on the steering wheel. This was a very useful piece of information because my husband and I are used to backing our cars with the right hand behind the passenger seat. We would have flunked the test have we done just that during the backing up phase of the maneuverability test. Thank God for sending His angels in the guise of families and friends. :)

In Honor of Ninoy and Cory Aquino

I just watched the eulogy of Kris Aquino in youtube and could not stop crying incessantly. Just the opening salvo of the first part of the video already made me remember Cory and the second part which contained the vow was just as equally moving. And even though I am not a big fan of Kris, I am now beginning to understand that God can still write straight with our crooked lines. When she made a vow to support her brother to carry on what their parents have started because the two of them are in the best positions to do so, I begin to feel some kind of hope for the Philippines again. The Aquino couple, Ninoy and Cory have indeed given so much of themselves for the Filipinos and keep on insisting that the Filipinos are worth fighting for, even when a lot of others would think otherwise. I think what is most remarkable with these two leaders are their profound devotion to our Lady who have been with them in their struggle to help this country which always seem to be struggling with the problems of poverty and corruption.

A close family friend, Fr. Ben Nebres who happens to be the president of Ateneo de Manila University gave a homily in honor of President Corazon Aquino. What struck me the most was this line. 'We thank her for leading us, we who are a not an easy people to lead. We are often a difficult and fractious nation. There must have been times when she felt like crying out with Moses in Exodus: “How can I alone bear the crushing burden that you are, along with your bickering”.' I could not agree more. I think I mentioned in my previous blogs that I have been reading the Bible in a marathon fashion and I have already finished with the New Testament, and have been so amazed to find so many things written there that I never thought happened. Now I am in the Old Testament and at the part where Moses already died and the Israelites are entrusted to the new prophet Joshua. So I have seen how Moses struggled with leading the Israelites and indeed how rebellious and stubborn they could be. This just reminded me of the Filipinos back home.

Prior to our own exodus from the Philippines, I have been saying that the Filipinos who constantly flock the street with their rallies will never find a leader who they will find worthy enough to lead them. Even if the Pope himself will become the president, they will always find something wrong about the system and the leadership and will still go to the streets and rally. I think it's a form of livelihood, lifestyle or something. It's a rebellious nation. And those who have been praying and hoping for a new leader, a better leader, a good leader to lead this nation into salvation, are still in the dark whether the time will ever come when someone can fill that position. And I guess just like a lot of well-meaning Filipinos, I am still one of those who continue to hope, eventhough when I am also beginning to doubt.

Being here in a foreign land makes me see the tremendous difference in the system. The most obvious difference is the order with which things are being done and implemented. I have described before how efficient people are in providing the services needed without additional bribe money. I guess it's part of the poverty mentality. Because the Philippines have been in lack and impoverished for such a long time that the people have gotten used to the struggle. There always seem to be a struggle to get ahead, to be the first, otherwise you will be left with nothing. Even in church, you can see this scarcity mentality. When you fall in line for communion, people would rush to the center aisle. Sometimes, people in line would even refuse to make you cut in. There is that fear that the hosts would not be enough for the people. You have to go first. And there is some basis for this. Because I have seen how it is during Christmases or Holidays when indeed the church runs out of hosts. So at the end of the line, you only get 1/8 of a host or a teeny-tiny crumb or worst, you leave the line not having received the body of Christ at all. But here in the US, there is order. People know that there will always be enough for everyone. So they fall in line row by row. Nobody goes to the center aisle from the back row ahead of the ones in the front row in a hasty fashion.

This attitude is also evident on the road. When you drive here, people are more generous in giving way and making you enter a lane. Then traffic flows more freely. No car would go out of the line to get ahead of the others. Again, a far contrast to what we experience back home. Takot malamangan. Again, another poverty mentality. That's why I totally support Bo Sanchez's efforts in combatting this poverty and scarcity mentality because that is what's keeping the nation from improving. Because of this mentality, the people are inhibited from thinking outside of themselves and their family. Greediness and selfishness are nurtured from this mentality. It is then important to think of the world as abundant and have more than enough for everyone. Again, this is easier said than done when you are in the Philippines, especially when you experience being taken advantaged of.

That's why my admiration goes for the late Aquinos who gave so much of themselves for the Philippines and my hope is that Kris and Noynoy would make good their promise to follow the footsteps of their parents. My prayer is that a new generation of believers be honed by God to lead the nation and put order and system to this nation which has been struggling for years and years. And may the constituents be blessed with the grace to believe and follow the new leaders.

Discernment in Every Decision

I was completely bothered by a story that I heard regarding the aunt of a friend. She was now in the process of applying for US citizenship but she encountered a serious problem. The USCIS is claiming that she has committed fraud and deceived her former employer because she did not work at the original job placement but instead requested to be transferred to another state. Now, she had to hire a lawyer to defend her case. Since she no longer have any documents at hand to prove that indeed the transfer was valid and was done by her recruiter, and her recruiter are hands off about the issue, she runs the risk of being deported in this process. Imagine, after having worked for 5 years here in the US with the dream of becoming a US citizen just within hand's reach, it is now turning into a complete nightmare.

I remembered just a couple of months ago while I was still in the Philippines, my employer who petitioned for me informed me that there are still no opening here in Cincinnati, OH. I was adamant nevertheless to go to Cincinnati as this was the one stated in my job offer letter and we have a support system in this city. Then my London-based recruiter offered me three options, 1) I will wait until there will be an opening for me in this city, 2) I will go for the headhunter of my recruiter who will place me with another employer, different from the one who petitioned for me and my family, 3) I will buy out my contract from the recruiting agency and be a free agent.

I asked for advice and opinions from former classmates in my nursing school who are now currently working here in the US. One classmate told me that if I do options 2 or 3, I must make sure that I get a document that states that the one who petitioned for me is freeing me of any liability from the job offer that I signed with them. She said that this will affect my status in the future when I decide to apply for US citizenship. I thought that this was just hearsay. Nevertheless, I kept that advise at the back of my mind while I waited for my employer to contact me and give some light as to what my status is going to be.

But now, having heard this story firsthand, it confirms an answer to the prayer which I have been asking for. I have been discerning and asking God to give me a sign as to His will regarding the option to take with regards my work. It is difficult to discern God's will. Unlike in the times of Moses where the people will only have to ask Moses to ask God face-to-face about a certain issue and they get their answer loud and clear, now it is not as simple and straightforward as that. Now, you need the gift of discernment to discern God's will.

What I usually do after lifting the question to God is wait. It does not just come immediately. First, I wait for events to happen. I present my plans to God and ask Him to bless it if it is His will. Then I implement the plan. If it meets resistance and block, then I stop. Perhaps, this is not God's way. If there is no encouragement to go on but instead, other events will unfold which leads to a different way, then I test that way with continued prayer that God lead me and make it clear to me that this is His way. Then an affirmation will further come in the form of inspired message through the Bible, an advice from family or friend, a priest saying the homily, through inspirational books or e-newsletters. However if the initial block or resistance will give an inner urging to remain steadfast and keep on trying, then there is the grace to continue and then doors start to open, then God is simply testing my convictions regarding a decision. I have also learned that He does not want puppets who simply follow Him blindly out of fear of failure. He also wants people who strongly seek His will, and even with resistance, fights for it and is convicted to seek His blessings. And the final test in knowing if it is truly His will is the experience of peace and inner joy after having made the decision.

After having gone through tumultuous moments of indecision and impatience, I have finally decided to stick with the contract with my original employer. I made that silent decision last week, even when I still did not hear from them. Then after having made such a decision, I suddenly got word that there is an opening here in Cincinnati. Though it was slow in coming, I knew this was where God was leading me. Then affirmations were beginning to come in the form of inspired messages and stories. Now, it is slowly becoming clearer to me. Everything happens in God's perfect timing. And I should not be afraid with my decisions as long as I keep on surrendering them to God because when I get misled, He usually straightens it immediately. Indeed, everything works out for good for those who love God and those who are called according to His purpose.

Welcome Back Readrunner

Last year, I was introduced to running and fell in love with it. As a result, I have discovered my other passion in life which is writing. I started a blog on running, http://readrunner.blogspot.com and even managed to write a book about running and spirituality. I would say that I have entered a point in my life where I began to yearn for something else other than a successful career. I was drawn to read books like "From Success to Significance" by Lloyd Reeb; "The Alchemist, The Pilgrimage, Brida and The Fifth Mountain" by Paulo Coelho; I began to write down my vision, personal mission statement in life, listed down the important goals that I wanted to achieve... in short, I had a midlife crisis in a positive note. All these happened, I believe, because the spiritual part of me was stimulated by the physical exercise that my body experienced.

Today, I woke up at just before 7:00am and felt the need to go out and push my body once more. The last time I ran was six months ago. I definitely missed it. My body felt so sluggish and unprepared so I decided that I will just go out for a walk. The sky was cloudy and the neighborhood was still quiet. I can just hear the chirping of the birds and even the sounds of the cricket. Occasional cars would pass by. As I walked to my favorite street where our dream house stood, my mind went back to the vision that I have written six months ago... and now, I just saw its fulfilment.... "I run every morning in an enclosed subdivision where our dream house is located." I read my vision and mission statement everyday believing that it will hasten the process of its fulfilment. At that time, I was simply thinking of a private, enclosed subdivision in the Philippines. That was why in the early part of January, my husband and I started to look for a house in an enclosed subdivision. Then I got the immigrant visa schedule and we were caught in a whirlwind. When we decided that we will go for it, I felt ill at ease reading the vision and mission statements because I could not visualize this in the US.

But now, as I was walking in this wonderful neighborhood, I was simply astounded. God gave me something better. The sidewalk was well maintained and meant for walking or running, the lawns are well kept with no high concrete fences, the air was crisp and clean, there were no dogs or dog poops... then I remembered that vision statement. It is so queer that even when the mind cannot conceive it, the heart that believes achieves it all the same. There are still many part of that vision that have yet to be fulfilled but now, as I saw the first part come into fruition, or almost fruition I am once again motivated to read my vision and mission statement everyday again. And I am also moved to put back an exercise routine so I can get back into my running form. For now, the only running that I did was the last two minutes of the 20 minutes that I was out because then, it started to rain. My goal today was to simply break in my body and walk briskly. But the running that I did uphill ignited that desire once more to run.

Spirit of Gratitude

It's always the waiting that kills people. Waiting for my license to get processed seem to take forever. It's been four months that I have not worked, since the move and transition in April, the Europe vacation in May, the move to US in June and now I am just itching to get moving. Some of my friends envies our position. But it feels like being retired without a pension plan. Now, we have an idea of how it is if there was no retirement fund to sustain a retiree. Retirement is just no fun at all. We watch our expenses closely and make sure we stay within our budget so it can still sustain us for 2-3 months if it gets to that. But am definitely feeling restless.

The past few weeks, I have been reading the part of the Old Testament where the Israelites spent 40 days in the desert. It has been more than 40 days for us since our exodus. But contrary to the Israelites experience of regret and endless complaining, we are not feeling any of those emotions. We are still in the spirit of gratitude because so far, we have been adequately provided and there have been numerous blessings that was brought to us. I guess, during the 40 days in the desert, it is patience that the Lord develops in each of us. With patience, trust and faith are nurtured because we are called to wait and be silent. In this world of constant pace, of busy schedules, being thrown into this spirit of waiting is a big challenge. I think the reason why the Lord instructed Moses to write down His commandments, His laws and all the wondrous deeds He has done for the Israelites is primarily to make the people remember.

So for me, it has become important to write down His blessings and His wondrous deeds as well. Because it will definitely make me remember especially when the heat of the desert begins to scorch, when the sand just seem to go nowhere and there is just an endless road which leads to a hazy horizon. It is important to remain in a spirit of gratitude because I have learned in the past that those are the doors where blessings seep through. So now, I start to count my blessings. I thank God for giving our family this chance to be together, without our busy schedules; I thank God for the beautiful sunrise and sunset that I witness everyday; I thank God for my daughters who are happily singing and playing together; I thank God for the parish priest who has been very kind in deferring the payment of the tuition fees of my daughter while we wait for our employment; I thank God for the thoughtfulness of the same parish priest who came up to us in church just to ask how we were doing; I thank God for the very generous admissions officer who volunteered to give the uniforms of her daughter to my 9-year-old daughter because she will be moving to a higher level with a different set of uniforms; I thank God for the opportunities where my husband is able to exercise his talent in photography and share his knowledge with friends; I thank God for the generosity of my sister-in-law and her husband; I thank God for the chance to visit family and friends who live out of town; I thank God for keeping our dreams alive; I thank God for the hope that is in us; I thank God for the grace to say thank you.

Yes, perhaps it is time to move on. I need to look back at my mission statement, my goals and the steps I have laid out for myself and the dreams that I share with my husband for our family. I guess I have gone fixated with the thought that I needed to start work soon and such a fixation is slowly eating up on me. Indeed the exercise of counting my blessings and bringing out that spirit of gratitude also revealed the darkness that is slowly enveloping. Now it is clearer than ever that the spirit of gratitude is our best weapon to combat negativities and to endure the desert. Then this way, we will not end up like the Israelites who preferred to go back to being slaves in Egypt and never stopped complaining to God, forgetting all that He has done and thereby missing out on the blessings that He has prepared for them.