In 2005, when we started processing our immigrant visa, we had our doubts about it. I was pregnant with our second child and I could not imagine living in the US, working hours and still take care of a newborn when I get home from work. So we prayed hard that God delays the processing until the kids are old enough and needed low "maintenance". Of course, I forgot about that prayer. So when the processing of the petition got delayed for years we thought God had other plans for us and started to think that migrating here is no longer in the picture. Then when we got our call to go to the embassy for an interview early this year, we were totally caught off guard. It's just later on in the process of our discernment that we recalled that few years ago, we made this prayer and God heard it. And although we were quick to forget about it, He never forgets His promises. And what He says He will do, He is faithful in delivering.
Now, my younger daughter is turning four on August and my older daughter is nine. I can actually entrust the latter with the former. My older daughter gives her little sister a bath while I clean the kitchen. My husband does the laundry and the dishes. Sometimes my younger daughter sets the table and folds her own clothes. Indeed they are both more manageable as compared to last year, when we were here for a vacation. I actually lost 5 pounds just running after my toddler in that 6 weeks in 2008 when most people would gain weight after vacationing in the US.
But there is one thing which can still make me lose my wits... it's when my younger daughter transforms to this desperate, crying little girl who claims she wants something but does not know what she wants. It's her form of tantrum which most of the time succeeds in pushing me to the wall that I also end up throwing a tantrum. I've seen my husband give up on her as well when she gets into this mood. Fortunately, there was always one of us who seem to be in control when my little girl succeeds in getting the other adult turn into a monster mom/dad.
Just last week, while I was trying to play with her in the basement, she throws into this tantrum again. I just totally lost it and left her with her dad and started to work in the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Unable to stop her from crying incessantly and getting impatient himself, my husband scolded her. She comes up to me still crying. There was no way I could stop her and my attention was caught between placating her and cooking dinner. In despair, I turned off the stove, sat on the floor and covered my ears and prayed "Lord, have mercy!". She continued to cry in front of my folded figure. Then I heard my husband went up and saw the two of us in that pathetic form. He took my daughter and embraced her. She was immediately comforted. Then he handed her to me and made me embrace her. That made her stop crying altogether. He said, "she just needed a hug from you." Then I got hold of a small chair and made her seat near the refrigerator and I gave her water. She silently drank her water while I continued to cook dinner. Nobody would guess that my thoughts were in disarray thinking about what just happened. It's in these events that I start to question, "Can I really handle this move?". I know our strengths and I am also aware of our weaknesses as a couple. But sometimes, there are areas that are grey. And this one was it.... handling my daughter's tantrums. This is one thing that we hope to put under control because if we both lose control, who knows what regrettable thing we are capable of.
Later that night, as I was cleaning the kitchen, my husband came up to me and said, "Do you also need a hug?" and he hugged me before I could say yes. That managed to give me immense comfort and restore my faith. During my moments of doubt, God knows perfectly how to reassure me. But I knew that someday, my daughter may throw a tantrum again and he might not be around to help.
So, I made this one petition everyday in my rosary intentions amongst all our other intentions (and God knows there are just mountains of those :). What is most unusual though is that I am able to set aside time to read the Bible and pray the rosary despite the fact that we have no maids here in the US. I think that is one miracle that I can attribute to the visit to the Lourdes' grotto last May. Because these silent moments with God are just immense sources of blessings and grace. Discernment of His will becomes easier and His guidance is much clearer.
Then just today, He showed me how to take control of the uncontrollable.
Once again, my daughter comes up to me crying in that desperate manner again and is beyond reason and logic. Once more, I was in the kitchen busy with chores. My voice started to rise and I scolded her. That made her cry even harder. Then I remembered that time when she started to cry while we were in Rome, during the papal audience... and my daughters were both under the shade that I made for us (my arms were stretched out and my jacket was covering the three of us from the heat of the sun). In order for her to stop, I prayed out aloud in tongues. That made the two of them look at me in shock. They were hearing me speak in something which sounded like Italian. I prayed for almost one minute and that managed to stop my younger daughter from crying. I can still recall seeing my older daughter look at me with awe and saying, "You were speaking in a strange language, mommy. How did you learn that?".
I thought, perhaps I can make good use of that gift and start praying in tongues once again. But this time, I did not pray out aloud. I simply prayed in tongues in the recesses of my mind while my little girl cried in the background. She did not stop crying but I was totally amazed at what happened. I acutely felt the transformation in my feelings in a very graduated manner... from that of despair/irritation/anger to peace and serenity. It was like turning the volume of rock music from loud to soft and then to mute. The experience was just so remarkable. Then I looked at Marie with love and affection and spoke to her. I do not remember what I told her but she simply obeyed me and started to calm down. Then I instructed her to go and play with her sister and she simply obeyed!
God has shown me His power and the power that is just within me, which I have not put to use. I just needed to be reminded that the power is always available and free. There is nothing in this life that is beyond His control. And by virtue of His power and my being His child, this power is also given to me as a gift. And not just to me... it is just as available to everyone else. I recalled about mothers who just totally lost their minds and have thrown themselves into despair. If only they have known of this power and put it into good use. It is pure grace and a gift that He should reveal this to me. And I pray that I may exercise this power especially now that I need it the most.
Now, my younger daughter is turning four on August and my older daughter is nine. I can actually entrust the latter with the former. My older daughter gives her little sister a bath while I clean the kitchen. My husband does the laundry and the dishes. Sometimes my younger daughter sets the table and folds her own clothes. Indeed they are both more manageable as compared to last year, when we were here for a vacation. I actually lost 5 pounds just running after my toddler in that 6 weeks in 2008 when most people would gain weight after vacationing in the US.
But there is one thing which can still make me lose my wits... it's when my younger daughter transforms to this desperate, crying little girl who claims she wants something but does not know what she wants. It's her form of tantrum which most of the time succeeds in pushing me to the wall that I also end up throwing a tantrum. I've seen my husband give up on her as well when she gets into this mood. Fortunately, there was always one of us who seem to be in control when my little girl succeeds in getting the other adult turn into a monster mom/dad.
Just last week, while I was trying to play with her in the basement, she throws into this tantrum again. I just totally lost it and left her with her dad and started to work in the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Unable to stop her from crying incessantly and getting impatient himself, my husband scolded her. She comes up to me still crying. There was no way I could stop her and my attention was caught between placating her and cooking dinner. In despair, I turned off the stove, sat on the floor and covered my ears and prayed "Lord, have mercy!". She continued to cry in front of my folded figure. Then I heard my husband went up and saw the two of us in that pathetic form. He took my daughter and embraced her. She was immediately comforted. Then he handed her to me and made me embrace her. That made her stop crying altogether. He said, "she just needed a hug from you." Then I got hold of a small chair and made her seat near the refrigerator and I gave her water. She silently drank her water while I continued to cook dinner. Nobody would guess that my thoughts were in disarray thinking about what just happened. It's in these events that I start to question, "Can I really handle this move?". I know our strengths and I am also aware of our weaknesses as a couple. But sometimes, there are areas that are grey. And this one was it.... handling my daughter's tantrums. This is one thing that we hope to put under control because if we both lose control, who knows what regrettable thing we are capable of.
Later that night, as I was cleaning the kitchen, my husband came up to me and said, "Do you also need a hug?" and he hugged me before I could say yes. That managed to give me immense comfort and restore my faith. During my moments of doubt, God knows perfectly how to reassure me. But I knew that someday, my daughter may throw a tantrum again and he might not be around to help.
So, I made this one petition everyday in my rosary intentions amongst all our other intentions (and God knows there are just mountains of those :). What is most unusual though is that I am able to set aside time to read the Bible and pray the rosary despite the fact that we have no maids here in the US. I think that is one miracle that I can attribute to the visit to the Lourdes' grotto last May. Because these silent moments with God are just immense sources of blessings and grace. Discernment of His will becomes easier and His guidance is much clearer.
Then just today, He showed me how to take control of the uncontrollable.
Once again, my daughter comes up to me crying in that desperate manner again and is beyond reason and logic. Once more, I was in the kitchen busy with chores. My voice started to rise and I scolded her. That made her cry even harder. Then I remembered that time when she started to cry while we were in Rome, during the papal audience... and my daughters were both under the shade that I made for us (my arms were stretched out and my jacket was covering the three of us from the heat of the sun). In order for her to stop, I prayed out aloud in tongues. That made the two of them look at me in shock. They were hearing me speak in something which sounded like Italian. I prayed for almost one minute and that managed to stop my younger daughter from crying. I can still recall seeing my older daughter look at me with awe and saying, "You were speaking in a strange language, mommy. How did you learn that?".
I thought, perhaps I can make good use of that gift and start praying in tongues once again. But this time, I did not pray out aloud. I simply prayed in tongues in the recesses of my mind while my little girl cried in the background. She did not stop crying but I was totally amazed at what happened. I acutely felt the transformation in my feelings in a very graduated manner... from that of despair/irritation/anger to peace and serenity. It was like turning the volume of rock music from loud to soft and then to mute. The experience was just so remarkable. Then I looked at Marie with love and affection and spoke to her. I do not remember what I told her but she simply obeyed me and started to calm down. Then I instructed her to go and play with her sister and she simply obeyed!
God has shown me His power and the power that is just within me, which I have not put to use. I just needed to be reminded that the power is always available and free. There is nothing in this life that is beyond His control. And by virtue of His power and my being His child, this power is also given to me as a gift. And not just to me... it is just as available to everyone else. I recalled about mothers who just totally lost their minds and have thrown themselves into despair. If only they have known of this power and put it into good use. It is pure grace and a gift that He should reveal this to me. And I pray that I may exercise this power especially now that I need it the most.
1 comment:
...I don't usually read blogs...but yours surely will touch a lot of lives and for sure can relate with your story...being working mom is quite a challenge...more than that...working abroad with your family and with no maids...what an adjustment to go through! But with what I read, U have such a great faith in HIM and by that...U can conquer the world and overcome any hurdles that may come in your new journey...God Bless!! - riche
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