Cooking in America

One of the challenges in America is preparing food for the family. I had to do an experiment of cooking a huge bulk that would last for a week or more. But eventually I found this as not so good an idea. Until now, I still have to find a way to finish that "monggo" in the refrigerator. The adobo has already graduated in our tummies after 2 weeks of heating and re-heating. I will never do that again. Perhaps cooking for a volume that can last for a couple of days is fine, but for a week or more... it just becomes punishment for the diners.

But it was good practice to always cook with a good amount of left-overs because at least, there is always food that can be easily heated.

Another challenge is to keep the house from smelling like spices. It was one scent I noted when I visited my sister's house in California a couple of years ago. I did not notice this in my sister-in-law's house. It was only now that I realized that my sister-in-law did not cook that much and so kept her house from getting that peculiar smell. I noticed this smell after a week of cooking. It actually came from the garlic, onions, soy sauce, pepper and vinegar that are constantly used in Filipino dishes. That made me buy vanilla scented candles and kept it lit inside the house.

Anyway, just a few days ago, my sister-in-law brought home some left-over lechon from Texas. A Filipino friend of hers celebrated her birthday with Filipino dishes and a huge lechon and gave most of the left-overs to her visitors. Inorder to avoid having the house smelling of vinegar and spices, I had to cook the lechon paksiw while my sister-in-law was away on vacation in San Francisco. Of course, this is my first time to cook lechon paksiw and so I had to google the recipe. I found a few interesting ones and adapted 2 recipes to make my own version of lechon paksiw. Here it goes:

2 kg lechon chopped in bite-sized pieces (yes, that was the volume of the left-over from Texas)
2 cups Mang Tomas sauce (thank God there were still 3 bottles left in her pantry)
2 cups white vinegar (courtesy of that Asian store, Cam, which sold Datu Puti soy sauce and
vinegar in a neat bundle. I should have taken 2 packs)
1 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp salt
2 tbsp peppercorn
8 cloves garlic crushed
1/2 cup dried oregano (it was originally for 1 cup and I felt it may turn out to be very
overpowering. With 1/2 cup, it was still overpowering, so I suggest to
make this 1/4 cup)
2 cups water
1 cup soy sauce
5 pcs of bay leaves

Just put everything together in a huge pot and bring to a boil. Simmer for one hour or until the skin softens and some of the meat shreds off easily. Enjoy with steaming rice.

The First Two Weeks

Landing in the airport of Chicago as our port of entry was a bad thing because the line at the immigrations was so long and we only had 1.5 hours in between transfers. Fortunately, despite the long queque, we did not encounter any issues with the immigration. But the real issue was the mountain of checked-in luggages that we had. For the first time in America, we hired a porter. We gave him $20. And he was kind enough to go back to us when we got done with the immigration and helped us to transfer to the counter for our local flight. Expectedly, we were left by the plane and we were told that the next available flight was 6:30am of the next day. That was really bad news because we did not want to spend a night in a hotel in Chicago. Since there were 4 of us, we were informed that it is impossible to get through the last day's flight if we waitlisted. So while my husband was calling my sister-in-law, we were praying and I just felt resigned to whatever God brings to our hands. Surprisingly, while he was still on the phone, the lady at the counter approached us and informed us that 5 seats were just cancelled and were free for us to take. God is so good. We added another $5.00 to the porter who patiently waited and now loaded the luggages to the carousel.

We arrived in Cincinnati, OH at 12midnight. It was a very long trip but we were just happy to see my sister-in-law and her friend. We were finally home.

The next day, we immediately went to the nearest Social Security office in our area to check if they already got our application in their system. We were informed that it will take 10 days for the papers to get through immigration. So we were instructed to go back after 10 days.

The second day, my sister-in-law accompanied us to the bank to open our own bank account. With that, we were able to transfer the funds that we sent to her account to our own bank account.

Next in line was a meeting with the realtor. We were hesitant at first to do this because we still did not have a job but eventually it paid off because we were given a pile of documents which were meant to aid new residents in moving to Cincinnati. It had everything we needed to get acquainted with Cincinnati in the envelope: a map of the city, listings of schools, listings of tourist spots, and things to know and do, numerous tips about moving, etc.

The next few days were spent in research: searching for used car, searching for the right area where to buy property, searching for school districts and private schools, searching for groceries where the cost is lowest for meat, produce, dry goods, etc. and searching for other possible job options.

The first major purchase was a second-hand 2004 Mitsubishi Endeavor. After visiting shops selling certified cars, we were surprised to find this fresh looking SUV which looked brand new and yet was priced at just $9,995. Indeed it was a rare find and one which we could not afford to let go of. So at that particular instant, we offered to buy it in cash because we could not purchase in credit without our social security numbers and credit ratings. We gave a downpayment of $200 and the papers were processed. It was as simple as that. It was June 20, 2009, Saturday. The first thing we did on June 21, Monday was to have a cashier's check drafted for the car shop.

On June 22, Wednesday, we were aboard our "new" car and we returned our rented car which was a total rip off at $500+. But it has served to get us around town to do our grocery and stuff. But now, we had something that we really owned.

Next thing we did was schedule for school tours in between property tours with the realtor. We were initially thinking of putting the two girls in a public school because there were lots of school districts in Cincinnati and the vicinity which had excellent ratings from the Department of Education. However, upon further research, and with external affirmations, we decided to explore the religious schools in the city. By looking at the Department of Education website again, we got to narrow down our search to schools with Blue Ribbon recognitions. From there, we further focused on the schools that were near the place of my sister-in-law. It was fortunate that we were working with the realtor also who cited the possible districts that we can purchase the property that we are looking for. This coincided with the search of school for the girls. After 2 weeks of touring the schools, we decided on one school because it had all the pluses that we wanted in the other schools that we saw. It had the hot lunch program, the buddy system, the type of discipline enforced that we liked, the endorsement by a local resident, the academic excellence, the absence of diversity issue, the hi-tech mode of instructions, the accelerated program, the high percentage of scholarship obtained for private high schools, the wide corridors and high passing rate.

On July 2, 2009, exactly a week after we applied for our Social Security numbers (18 days from arriving in US), we finally got it!

On July 3, celebrating independence day with Filipino friends and their non-Filipino husbands in Mason, we further got information on what to do next in order to obtain a good credit rating, got further affirmation regarding our choice of school, and more affirmation about how the Lord's hands has been moving in our lives in perfect time. Even without the assurance and security of a job for us, we are at peace and confident that God is dictating the pace of all the things that have been happening to us. In His perfect time... we know everything will just fall in place.

The Exodus last June 14, 2009

I felt like I was caught up in a hurricane. Time flew so fast. The whole month of May was spent in Europe gallivanting before the occasion of the wedding of my sister-in-law, temporarily leaving the chaos of packing up for the US behind. Having put back the US migration at the back of our minds made it possible for us to focus on the European trip first. There was also so much to arrange considering that the trip was not a short one. After seeing Frankfurt, Munich, Miltenberg and Buergstadt in Germany; Milan, Venice, Rome, Pisa, Florence and Assisi in Italy; Paris, Liseux, Versailles, Nevers and Lourdes in France; Salzburg in Austria and passing by Switzerland en route to Italy, we were just eager to go back to the Philippines. It was Europe indigestion to say the least.

Back in the Philippines, with just two days to pack our stuff to finally leave for the US, we were living a crazy schedule. The European jetlag made it even crazier because the kids would still remain awake even at the wee hours of the morning just when you wanted to have them out sight. In between business meetings to make final endorsements, arrangement with the mover who will ship our stuff to the US, bank transactions to transfer funds to the US and setting up a system that will also make it possible to transfer funds back and forth from US to Philippines, terminating phone lines, credit card lines, liquidating most of our investments, we also gave way for despidida parties from our friends and colleagues. The night before we left for the US, we were still not done with our packing! It was such a challenge to try to maximize the luggage allowance of 23 kg/piece and 107 cm for 2 pieces given to us by the airline. Alvin and I did not have sleep at all. We ended up packing until daybreak and loaded 4 balikbayan boxes, 4 medium sized wheeled luggages, 2 car seats, 4 hand-carried bags, and 1 stroller. We also had to endorse the shipping of 1 more box via Johnny Air Cargo.

Saying goodbye at the airport was tearjerking. We do not know when we will be able to visit the Philippines again. So much uncertainty in the future. But what we were grateful for was the decision to leave as a family. There were preliminary plans of me leaving ahead of the girls and Alvin and making them follow after one month. But just imagining how it would be carrying all the luggages and going through immigration as well as making major decisions in the US regarding car purchase, schools, etc, made us think think twice about that other plan.

So now we were in it as one family... still together.

A House is Not a Home

It was difficult packing our stuff into boxes when my 3-year old daughter would occupy the box even before I have loaded my stuff. So the first things that needed to go from our townhouse were my two daughters. I deported them to my in-laws so my husband and I can concentrate on packing up. The speed with which I was able to put all their clothes in luggage bags and plastic bins was world record. They were out of sight and out of mind in a flash. And that day marked the beginning of the serious cleaning up of the townhouse.

However, two days after not seeing them, my 3-year old started to call the house and asked, "when can I sleep in my house?" and "when can I see you?". It was heart-breaking. So I visited them and started explaining to her that the townhouse was no longer her house and that we were moving. It took quite a couple of such explanation before it dawned on her that indeed she will not be returning to that house to sleep again. The other day, she asked, "Mom, when can I go back to my.... to your house?" I noted the effort with which she changed the "my" to "your" and that made me and my husband decide that it's about time we also sleep with them in my in-laws' place to bring back some semblance of normalcy. This afternoon she no longer asked but made a request which we could not turn down... "Mommy, can I see my house again?" So my husband and I decided to bring the two kids to the townhouse to say goodbye. I think this is an important part of the transition... to look back and say goodbye so one can move on.

As soon as my daughters entered the townhouse, they noted that it no longer was the same house they occupied. I have brought down the picture frames decorating the sala. All the boxes were scattered in the living and dining rooms making it impossible to sit and relax. My 3-year old daughter quickly went up to her room and I followed her. She ran to her bed and flung herself on it and said, "My bed... I miss you." My heart tightened with emotion. But she did not shed a tear. I told her to say goodbye to her bed and to her room. She took her Spongebob pillow and a few other familiar stuff like a hat, a handkerchief, her Cinderella slippers and the Gingerbread man stuff toy. She went to the car embracing all these familiar items. I knew that these will help her feel secure amidst all the uncertainties and changes happening around her. My older daughter commented, "Mommy, she even said goodbye to the windows." I smiled with poignancy. As we left, my 3-year old no longer looked at the house but was busy hugging her stuff toys. I could sense that she now discovered a house is simply a house... it's what and who occupies it that makes it a home. And having these with her brought her back home.

The Transition

A difficult part in migrating is disposing the old stuff that you own.

Looking at all our clothes, appliances, household utensils and furniture brings with it all sorts of emotions. And so the first thing that I had to let go of was my emotions. Because given the time constraints, I cannot waste precious moments lying around my recently acquired sofa nor can I idle around my new refrigerator. So I quickly listed all items for garage sale and sent the list to my friends via email. I also emailed most of my high school and college classmates who are now working as nurses in the US and asked for their advice which stuff is worth bringing and shipping and which ones will just end up in the US garage sale or sent back in a balikbayan box and therefore not worth the effort. I also contacted my freightforwarder in the importation business I am in and asked for a quotation for a one cubic meter seafreight cargo. This will contain roughly 7 medium size balikbayan boxes. The quote was less than $500. So I have decided to bring most of our old clothes, non-medical books, shoes, bags, dining and kitchen sets and only a few toys.

The cars will have to go as well. But we vowed that the money we will earn from the sale will be the same money that we will use to buy a second-hand car. Same goes for the earnings from the furniture and appliances... it will be used to buy for those appliances as well. We'll have to stick to the basics though since what we sold are a lot cheaper than what we are going to buy abroad.

Other things that we have to deal with is sending out indefinite leaves of absence from hospital affiliations and medical societies. I also learned from my accountant that we need to file Form 1905 or cessation of business from our medical practice from the BIR so we don't get charged with tax evasion. We just left our paper investments since the market is down anyway and no use actualizing the loss. But we have to consolidate our bank accounts into two accounts that are accessible online. That is BPI for me. Since the ATM card of BPI has the Cirrus/Maestro logo, that also means we can use our BPI ATM cards for international withdrawals with foreign currencies for a fee. In case of emergencies, then we can access through our local funds. Otherwise, we will try to keep all local funds intact.

We were also advised to bring as many documents as we can like NSO copies of birth certificates and marriage certificates, baptismal certificates and report cards of the children, transcript of records and diploma.

With all of these before me... I think it is about time I minimize my stay with the computer as well and get back to work.

Soul Searching

Back in 2007, when I wrote the essay "The Sentiments of a Young Filipino MD", I thought a beautiful and heroic way to put a twist on this essay is for me to abandon the desire to migrate, make the sacrifice and make it good in the Philippines. That would have created a heroine and saint out of me. But it was not meant to be. Because as much as I want to do what looks right, honorable and commendable, the Spirit within clamors for something more. As much as I find the vocation of medicine truly noble, I also find another vocation within trying to get out. I long to write, to travel, to inspire people. A restless soul will remain restless until it finds rest in God. And the same restlessness is mirrored in my soulmate... the man whose musical and photographic abilities got entrapped inside his white coat. Medicine can sometimes kill doctors... figuratively. Entrapment. Perhaps if I flee the society who expects me to be a doctor and take on the role of a nurse, then my jailed spirit can be set free. A temporary respite from the insanity and stress of medicine is all my soulmate and I need. To free the soul, we needed to free the body and the mind. Perhaps, we may come back one day, whole, alive and serving.

What made us realize that it was not mere money and financial opportunity that we seek was when we sought the answer to this question: " What if we suddenly won in the lottery? Would we still migrate?" Without hesitation, the two of us answered in the affirmative. That would actually give us more freedom to do what we really love to do and the opportunity to send our little girls to an all-girls' Catholic school.

"The opposite of happiness is not sadness. It is boredom." That is a striking statement from Tim Ferris' book "4-Hour Work week". Five years in our practice and we are already experiencing midlife crisis. Looking ahead and extending that five years to ten years still reveals the same scenario. Is that it? --- Medicine being reduced to a mere occupation. We know that being doctors will remain integral in our own persona, that someday we'll miss it again... but for now, there is a part of us that is slowly dying if we don't give it the attention that it needs. It is making us less of the doctors that we wanted to be. To become whole again, we need to let go first. "Whoever tries to gain his own life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for my sake will gain it."

A lot of people say, "Take control of your life." But for us in this crossroads. I hear the voice within say, "Throw away reason and abandon your life to Him." It's time to do some soul searching... to abandon what's familiar and predictable.... to dive into the unknown... to allow the spirit to lead us to the desert... then perhaps like the Great Physician, we shall come back with a clearer vision of our mission in this world.

The Crossroad

I did not expect to be in this crossroad so soon. In fact, I did not expect to hit this crossroad at all. When I took and passed the NCLEX exam in 2004, I was simply joining the bandwagon. Four years after, my life had taken a lot of turns. I have diversified to enterpreneurship, financial planning and management, investment consultation, running advocacy and literary writing. And then on January 17, 2009, I received an email informing me that our family have been granted a visa number for consular interview on February 23. I felt like a tornado entered our house and everything no longer felt and looked the same. What has happened?

The weeks that followed were filled with doubts, confusion, consolations, desolations... We found ourselves in a long, dark tunnel groping for a ray of light. So many voices, including our own were telling us so many differing opinions. It was with much effort that we strained to hear the tiny voice within, the voice which we hoped was illumined and guided by the spirit. In the end we can only learn to trust our instinct, our gut feel... and go back to the days on how we discerned in the past and found our way to this future. When the dust finally settled and we began to perceive the light, then we decided. We will go for it.

The decision is not founded on any one reason. For the sake of the children? No, there is no way we can ascertain that the children are much better off in the US than here in the Philippines. For a greener pasture? That can't be assured as well. Based on my job offer, I will initially be earning a monthly salary which is just comparable to what I am earning here with the disadvantage of not having my two maids and being a single-income earner for the first few months. Not a very attractive scenario, I should say. To explore our unexplored potentials and live our unlived dreams? Perhaps. This I shall elaborate much later... perhaps when we have already settled there.

What I can only say is that it is so much easier to swim with the current rather than against it. It is a lot faster to sail with the wind rather than against it. It is so much better to enter through a door than through a window. You see, I do not believe that when God closes a door, He opens a window. My belief is that He closes a window because it is so much easier to enter through a door. Why would we want to enter through a window if He is already opening the door and inviting us in? But when He calls people, He also demands faith, trust and complete abandonment. Because with these demands, there is the equivalent grace of peace and inner conviction of His will. For what reason that He is calling me and my family to leave and go abroad, I have only a very slight inkling and some vague notion. My only prayer is that He does not allow us to go astray. As long as we are treading His path, following His road... I do not care where it will lead us. My only care is that He is with us in the trip, guiding us and protecting us.