An Immigrant's Woes

It's been a while since I last blogged in this site. The past few weeks have been very tiring both physically and emotionally.

When we decided to migrate here in the US, my husband and I made sure we were one in mind with our decision because we did not want to end up blaming the other should we experience hardships. Our Filipino friends who migrated were relating stories of that point in their first year in the US where they experienced the difficulty of adjusting which consequently put a strain in their relationship.

Our trial began when a couple of my co-workers started to resign from the acute dialysis team because of internal problems in the system which led to long hours of work and high job dissatisfaction. For them, it was easy to just hand in their resignation. For a migrant worker like me, you are bound to the contract that you signed. Besides, I really did not mind the internal rift going on. I simply did my work, went home and enjoyed my family.

But things started to go bad for me when I learned that a few more people handed in their resignation and we ended up working 17-18 hours a day because we were so short-staffed already. The management in turn had to hire new people for orientation to address the problem. Then I learned that I was being paid way lower than an orientee. I was burning out so fast and my morale was taking the deep plunge. I became very short-tempered at home. My kids were complaining that they hardly see me anymore. My husband had to listen to my constant complaints at work, my bodily aches and pain and whatever there was to complain about. Then I found my hope. I could transfer to a chronic facility without actually breaching my contract so I tried to arrange for this transfer to take place. Things became more frustrating when my request for transfer was delayed and a revamp of the acute dialysis program was implemented. The winter weather proved to be more of a foe than an ally as I fought to conquer the depressing state I was in. I felt I was plunged in a world of darkness where my only comfort was my husband's listening ear and understanding embrace and the peace I felt whenever I cried out in frustration to God in prayer.

Then one night, when I was once again on my endless tirrade of complaints, my husband told me to remember the time when we first arrived. He reminded me how grateful we were about all the blessings. He reminded me of all the graces we received these past few months. And I stopped and remembered. Just like that. I remembered. Then the darkness was overcome by light. All my resentment evaporated. I ceased to feel abused, exploited and victimized. God made me see that whatever they are doing to me, they are only able to do because God allowed them to. God is still in control of the situation. And I realized that this was precisely how Jesus thought of His passion and death. He went through the pain without grudge, knowing that justice and mercy will be served in the end. That realization was pure grace for me... and salvation at that instant.

Now I can talk about it, write about it and still feel peace. Because I know that God is in control. And everything has a reason and a purpose. And for some miracle, the moment I accepted the trial with an open heart and mind, things started to become better. Travel nurses were hired to replace the ones who left. Patient census dwindled that I did not have to work longer than 14 hours anymore. My kids are happier, my family is more at peace as well. And as though on cue, the winter weather lifted up to welcome the smell of spring. The sun is shining and the snow has melted. In three days, daylight saving time begins and spring will soon be here. Hopefully, by then, my situation will improve some more. I have a strong feeling it will.

Discernment in Every Decision

I was completely bothered by a story that I heard regarding the aunt of a friend. She was now in the process of applying for US citizenship but she encountered a serious problem. The USCIS is claiming that she has committed fraud and deceived her former employer because she did not work at the original job placement but instead requested to be transferred to another state. Now, she had to hire a lawyer to defend her case. Since she no longer have any documents at hand to prove that indeed the transfer was valid and was done by her recruiter, and her recruiter are hands off about the issue, she runs the risk of being deported in this process. Imagine, after having worked for 5 years here in the US with the dream of becoming a US citizen just within hand's reach, it is now turning into a complete nightmare.

I remembered just a couple of months ago while I was still in the Philippines, my employer who petitioned for me informed me that there are still no opening here in Cincinnati, OH. I was adamant nevertheless to go to Cincinnati as this was the one stated in my job offer letter and we have a support system in this city. Then my London-based recruiter offered me three options, 1) I will wait until there will be an opening for me in this city, 2) I will go for the headhunter of my recruiter who will place me with another employer, different from the one who petitioned for me and my family, 3) I will buy out my contract from the recruiting agency and be a free agent.

I asked for advice and opinions from former classmates in my nursing school who are now currently working here in the US. One classmate told me that if I do options 2 or 3, I must make sure that I get a document that states that the one who petitioned for me is freeing me of any liability from the job offer that I signed with them. She said that this will affect my status in the future when I decide to apply for US citizenship. I thought that this was just hearsay. Nevertheless, I kept that advise at the back of my mind while I waited for my employer to contact me and give some light as to what my status is going to be.

But now, having heard this story firsthand, it confirms an answer to the prayer which I have been asking for. I have been discerning and asking God to give me a sign as to His will regarding the option to take with regards my work. It is difficult to discern God's will. Unlike in the times of Moses where the people will only have to ask Moses to ask God face-to-face about a certain issue and they get their answer loud and clear, now it is not as simple and straightforward as that. Now, you need the gift of discernment to discern God's will.

What I usually do after lifting the question to God is wait. It does not just come immediately. First, I wait for events to happen. I present my plans to God and ask Him to bless it if it is His will. Then I implement the plan. If it meets resistance and block, then I stop. Perhaps, this is not God's way. If there is no encouragement to go on but instead, other events will unfold which leads to a different way, then I test that way with continued prayer that God lead me and make it clear to me that this is His way. Then an affirmation will further come in the form of inspired message through the Bible, an advice from family or friend, a priest saying the homily, through inspirational books or e-newsletters. However if the initial block or resistance will give an inner urging to remain steadfast and keep on trying, then there is the grace to continue and then doors start to open, then God is simply testing my convictions regarding a decision. I have also learned that He does not want puppets who simply follow Him blindly out of fear of failure. He also wants people who strongly seek His will, and even with resistance, fights for it and is convicted to seek His blessings. And the final test in knowing if it is truly His will is the experience of peace and inner joy after having made the decision.

After having gone through tumultuous moments of indecision and impatience, I have finally decided to stick with the contract with my original employer. I made that silent decision last week, even when I still did not hear from them. Then after having made such a decision, I suddenly got word that there is an opening here in Cincinnati. Though it was slow in coming, I knew this was where God was leading me. Then affirmations were beginning to come in the form of inspired messages and stories. Now, it is slowly becoming clearer to me. Everything happens in God's perfect timing. And I should not be afraid with my decisions as long as I keep on surrendering them to God because when I get misled, He usually straightens it immediately. Indeed, everything works out for good for those who love God and those who are called according to His purpose.